HOT BUTTON ISSUE: The Fatherless Child!

As a growing child, my mother and father were consistently there for me. Now, I don't mean because they bought me anything or took me places, but just because, in hindsight I can recognize easily that just their presence as a team, and that obvious balance of power in raising 3 boys made all the difference.

I have my own pick of things that I would've arranged differently as it relates to my own childhood and my mom and dad's parenting skills, but don't we all? We are conditioned as students of our parent(s) and their 'rearing ways' to find even the minimalist of things to focus on and pick apart, but then again, that's not really a bad thing is it? Our goal is to strive onward and upward.

At best, my parents were there with me and for me; the way they showed it sometimes, is questionable (to me), but it's clearer to me now that I'm a parent, that my parents love me without thought.

I see that having 2 parents in the home is a rarity now, and I know for certain awesome children come from single parent homes, where the woman is typically the present one. It still doesn't take away from the fact that our children need a man in the house as a statue of what a man should be for his family. It trickles down to their experiences in the real world, and even in the classroom, where they meet me...

I observed my Open House sign in sheet when I got to class today, and I noticed how, out of about 40 kids, only 2 of them had both parents present on last night. Feel free to guess whether the single parents were men or a women.

I just feel so blessed to be a father(.) Does that mean that I don't worry sometimes whether I'm doing good enough, giving her the very best, or whether she interacts with me enough etc? The point is, as a father, I am fully committed and most of my black and white counterparts are not up to this same challenge. It's disheartening, and I'm embarrassed to be quite honest. Do you realize how much of an honor it is to be blessed with the opportunity to be parent/Father? The experience is a continuum of pride!

Single women, eventually it seems, or could it be a constant, that some single parents get tired. I have many many parents that I never see or hear from...To me that's unfathomable, since I'm there child's teacher. Since I see how the effects, this lack of attention, hinders the child's self esteem,
perception of life, and a host of other factors, it's not even logical that I could be unbiased.

The viscous cycle is literally unfolding in front of my eyes, and I live many days feeling winded from the emotional roller coaster I've been on all day. Children no longer say good morning, boys aren't wearing belts, no haircuts, no deodorant, Children cannot spell, or pronounce sight words. It gets to be draining, but I ask God for the strength. I know I cannot be their fathers, but I can do my best to model what a father should be, because many of my kids hardly know theirs.

I can't say that I can identify with their experiences, because my father was ALWAYS there, but being in the trenches with these children, you began to know so much about their lives; they want to tell you about their days, or their weekends, and their dying to talk to someone. I'm really into listening, because I know it's a comforting feeling for them to have someone to just talk to. I've been reading this book Entitled "Teach Like your Hair's on Fire" by Rafe Esquith, where he talks about replacing fear with trust. He spoke about not caring how many random questions his students asked him, he'd always answer them, even if he was tired. Some of his children compared him to an older teacher they'd had, citing, "Last year, I tried to ask my teacher a question. She became angry and said "We've been over this!"...Rafe will go over something five hundred times until I understand." It's something such as this which can make a drastic difference when molding self sufficient individuals who will soon run our Universes and Universities. We shouldn't depend on our teachers solely for this; this mentality must also take place in the home. Replace fear with trust at home~

My students who are the most disruptive were not present at Open House, and those were the parents I needed so desperately to meet. A note to the fellas, YOU HAVE to step up to the plate and handle your business, no matter what it takes. These are little lives that are literally at stake if they don't get the right parental fellowship which they deserve.

Don't wait for child support to make you be a support, DO IT; not grudgingly or of necessity, but because it's what you're supposed to do. Life is hard enough, children need both parents! Fellas, it's our faults most of the time which put women in these circumstances. Be a man, and handle your business; take care of your family; be a driving force in your child's life. It shouldn't even be negotiable!


I'm done,

Rheeghordliss